Monthly Archives: August 2012

Thought for the day.

LadyRomp

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What? Me Worry? – A Parenting Moment

I’m smiling on the outside. But on the inside………….

A typical conversation in my household:

Princess: “Mom, you worry too much.”

Before I can respond, Diva pipes in. “That’s what moms do.”

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I’ll admit it.  I am a mom.  And I worry.  A lot.  But I have to ask, can you worry too much?

A teenage girl is missing in my community.  The police suspect that she was abducted from her home.  From her home.  There is always a report somewhere about missing teenagers or accidents that claim a young life.  You don’t have to look hard to find something that will paralyze you in fear.  But that isn’t any way to live.

I dropped my girls off at mall on Saturday afternoon.  The plan was for them to hang out with friends and catch a movie.  I put on a brave face but behind that mask was a scared woman.  I know I have to let them go.  They have to experience things and learn to navigate the world.  I just want to hold them close and keep them in the house with me all the time.

I reflect on my own childhood and remember feeling that my mother suffocated me.  I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere or do seemingly normal things like go to a Friday night football game.  I remember thinking I had the meanest mother in the world.  Now, I am not saying her methods were right but I do understand the emotion behind it.  It was done out of love.  When you are a parent, everything is motivated by love.  I know now that I may not always get it right. But I love my children.  I won’t ever apologize for that.

I still worry.  I probably always will.  But I will also beat down fear and allow my girls to grow.  And pray that they will always be safe.

I’m trying to get here.

LadyRomp

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#WriteLikeCrazy

#WriteLikeCrazy

In an effort to continue with my new-found commitment to get back on a writing schedule, I have decided to join the #WriteLikeCrazy plan started by the author, Tayari Jones.  Side note:  If you haven’t read “Silver Sparrow” by Tayari you are missing out a great novel.

Anyway, my goal is to spend at least one hour a day writing.  The writing can be a blog post or research for a story.  The point is that I need to be doing something every day that moves my projects forward.

To all my writer friends, check out her website and join the movement.  Got a goal?  Feel free to share.

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Crisis in Courage

How meditation and Eminem helped me overcome months of doubt.

For the past few months, I haven’t done any writing other than the occasional blog post.  It looked like I was writing.  I would pull out the notebook and sit with pen in hand.  Then I would find myself getting distracted by an urgent need to read email.  Or it was my turn in Words with Friends and I couldn’t keep my friends waiting.  Or I would write one line and analyze it to the point that I would just give up telling myself the words will come after I have a snack.  Needless to say, I did a lot of things but none of them would be defined as writing.

I finally had to ask myself:  Why?  I have a novel that needs editing and three short stories in various stages of development.  I’ve told people that I am a writer.  Yet I couldn’t bring myself to write more than a sentence or two.  I had to come to the realization that I had let fear keep me from moving forward.

I’ve told everyone that I am a writer.  I have this dream of being a published author one day.  I dream of seeing my name in print.  Characters live in my head.  I am constantly thinking of story titles and plot lines.  I even found a graphic designer and had book covers designed.  I was charging ahead.  And then I wasn’t.

After a self check, I had to admit that I was afraid.  But what was I afraid of?  Fear of failure or success?  Fear that what I had written wasn’t good enough?  Fear that it was good and I would have to repeat the feat?  All of the back and forth had me going crazy.

Then I talked to writing friend and she said something that freed me from the roller coaster of self-doubt.  She said, “First let me tell you…you are not crazy! You are an artist and you possess the temperament of an artist.”  Then she added, “We are afraid most of the time, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.  We must push past the fear…of failing, of no one buying our books, of no one understanding; even of loved ones walking or running away from us in order to be who and what we were placed on this planet to be.

This is me pushing past the fear.  I have rededicated myself to a writing schedule.  I promise myself that I will finish those short stories and complete the edits to my book.  I will do better.  And for further inspiration I turn to one of my favorite rappers, Eminem.

When I have  moments of doubt (and I know I will) I play the song “Lose Yourself” on a loop.  Eminem’s song never fails to get me inspired.  It is the soundtrack to my writing life.

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it you better never let it go.  You only get one shot do not miss the chance to blow.  This opportunity only comes once in a lifetime.

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