How I Would Fix the US Postal System

I was watching television the other day  and saw this commercial from the US Postal Service.  Is this the best they could come up with?

This lovely ad describes how everyone needs that piece of paper (i.e. mail) to file away because “a cork board has never been hacked”.  They seemed to have overlooked the fact that no one wants paper anymore.

That’s where I come in.  Speaking as someone that has no inside knowledge of the postal service, I offer these suggestions to improve the mail system.  This is at no cost to my fellow taxpayers.  You’re welcome.

1.  Raise the price of a stamp to 50 cents and be done with it.  Why do they keep inching the price up in increments of a penny?  I shouldn’t have to scrape up pennies to buy a stamp.  Let’s keep the price divisible by five as a general rule.

2.  Update those uniforms.  The blue is not really working anymore.  They should get with the new spring fashions.  Add a sorbet color to the uniform or use some color blocking.  I’m sure some fashion designer would job at the chance to design a new look.

3.  No one actually wants to go to the post office.  Make it an event.  Have someone at the door (a la Walmart greeter) to offer assistance.  Offer beverages while you wait on line.

4.  Have an express  lane so if you just need to pick up a registered letter you don’t have to wait behind some guy mailing six packages.

5.  Actually have working stamp machines.  (I know, too radical.)

6.  And finally, stop delivering on Saturdays. It’s the weekend.  Take the day off.

Any suggestions for the postal service?