Can We Spoil Our Kids Until They Are Rotten?

Most people in my generation can say that they have achieved more than their own parents.   Some of us have better paying jobs and more education based on the hard work and sacrifices of our parents and relatives.  It stands to reason that we in turn are in a financial place to provide more for our kids than what we had growing up.  Speaking for my own kids, they have cell phones, iPods, Nintendo Wii, a family desktop computer, etc.  And it goes beyond material things.  We chose where we live in order to be in a good school district.  They don’t really know what it is to do without something that need.  They have never been hungry.  That’s a good thing.  Every child should have access to medical care and good schools.  Every child should have their needs provided for and get to have some of the things they want.  But what is too much?  If you give  your kids everything, how will they learn to appreciate what they have?

My husband and I try to make sure that our girls know that they are fortunate.  We try to instill in them a work ethic and to understand that nothing in life is just handed to you.  We try to make them understand that you have to work for things that you want.  I hope the lesson is getting through.  I enjoy being able to spoil my kids.  I just don’t want them to turn out rotten.

What I’m listening to:  “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” – Teddy Pendergrass

What I’m reading now:  “The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey” – Walter Mosley

From “The Help” to “Run the World(Girls)”

The Strength of Women

This is not a movie review.

Sunday afternoon I went to see “The Help” with my mother and sister.  I don’t want to talk about the merits of a white author telling a Black story.  I don’t want to discuss the politics of Black actress still playing maids in 2011.  (Although Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer were simply awesome!)  And I don’t want to focus on the historical inaccuracies in both the book and the movie.

My take away from the movie was the strength of women.  Black women in particular.  These women encountered injustice, racism, slights, cruelty and plain evil on a daily basis.  Yet they still got up and took care of their children and the white babies in their charge.  They went to church, looked out for their family, friends and neighbors and paid their bills.  In short, they survived.

Fast forward to today.  Opportunities are endless.  We are no longer the help unless that is the career we choose.  We can run corporations. We can serve in Congress.  We have the power to run the world.  Yet too many of us give that power away.  We give that power away through bad decisions, giving in to our circumstances and losing hope.  We give that power away by being afraid.

Whether you are a fan of Beyoncé’s or not, you have to give her credit for sounding a rally cry for women.  I  belive that women do run the world.  We birth and raise the babies.  We take care of and empower our men.  We hold it together for everyone around us sometimes to the detriment of ourselves.  We not only survive.  We effect change.

I enjoyed the movie “The Help.”  It may not have been a perfect depiction of the civil rights era but it is a perfect depiction of the strength of women.  I was reminded me of the power we possess.

Enjoy!

How to Love Unconditionally – Martha Beck’s Advice – Oprah.com

This article is so profound that I had to share.  Please read and enjoy.

How to Love Unconditionally – Martha Beck’s Advice – Oprah.com.

Aaliyah 10th Anniversary: What Could Have Been If She Had Lived

I was a huge Aaliyah fan back in the day and cried like she was my sister when she died.  This article from the Root.com is a heartfelt tribute to “Baby Girl”.

 

Aaliyah 10th Anniversary: What Could Have Been If She Had Lived.

Writing Update

I think I have a handle on things.  As I’ve mentioned before, finding time to write with a full-time job and family can be hard.  Most of my writing time has been regulated to an hour at night, 30 minutes at work and the weekends.  That made for slow progress.  In the past, I would get up an hour earlier so I would have uninterrupted writing time.  That’s not working this time.  Now I have a new plan.  I have changed my work hours to a four-day work week which gives me a full day off.  Since the kids are back in school I have the house to myself.  We’ll see how much I can get done in a day.

On a related note, I am having a good time writing short stories.  I subscribe to the Lifewriting Tips by Steven Barnes.  One of those tips revolved around the notion of training or exercising your writing muscles.  They only way to get good at something is to practice.  Short stories are an excellent vehicle to “practice” story telling.  Taken from Steven’s Free Online Writing Classes about short stories:  “This is Basic story telling, a “Sprint”, with no time to rest. In many ways the essence of the story form.  Educational as hell, and also quite confrontive. Many people avoid it, but the short story remains the method of choice for developing professional-level skills.”

My goal is to have a “Story Soundtrack” story at least once a week.  As far as the novel goes, I am on chapter fifteen of edits.  The longest journey begins with just one step, right?

Peace,

Michelle

What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “Smile” – Kirk Franklin
What I am reading now: “Mogul” – Terrance Dean

Date Night – Movie Review “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”

Last night the hubby and I did the dinner and a movie date night.  I can’t remember the last time we went out without the kids.  And that’s a sign that some couple time was long overdue.

Anyway, I wanted to see the new Planet of the Apes movie.  I was a fan of the original.  Anyone in the Metro knows that during the summer in the 70’s and early 80’s you went downtown to the movie theatre on Main Street.  I remembering riding the bus with a couple of friends and we would escape the heat inside the theatre.  I enjoyed the original “POA” movie and hoped that this prequel would do justice to the franchise.

It did.  “The Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is a smart and entertaining film.  The story revolves around a scientist, Will, and his desperate attempt to find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease.  Testing the drug on chimpanzees, the virus mutates and not only repairs brain cells but gives the test subject human level intelligence.  After a lab incident threatens to shut down the project, the baby chimp “Caesar” is found and taken to live with Will and his ill father.  Caesar has inherited his mother’s intelligent and learns at a fast pace.

Without giving away the entire plot, I will simply say this film is well worth the $10 to catch it in the theatre.  The characters are well-developed and the plot is filled with “shout outs” to the original.  Even the CGI special effects were realistic.  The movie pulls you in and leaves you wondering whether you should root for the apes and their freedom or for the humans to survive the fate that awaits them.

What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “Hard Knock Life” – Jay-Z
What I am reading now: “Rum Punch” – Elmore Leonard

First Day of School Rituals

 

Yesterday was the first day of school for my girls.  Ever since they started pre-school, we have a ritual where I take their picture before they head out the door.  This  year I thought that they were too old for the practice (10th and 7th grade).  Boy, was I wrong.  They both asked about their picture before I could get them out the door.   Who knew it meant as much to them as it did to me?

Do you have a first day of school ritual that you follow with your kids?

 

What I’m listening to:  “Everchanging Times” – Siedah Garrett

What I’m reading:  “Hunting in Harlem” – Mat Johnson

Why Are You Single?

Although I’ve been married for seventeen years, I am aware of the single lady situation.  It seems to be an epidemic that must be explored and explained.  The statistics are staggering.  70% of Black women are single.  Not counting the number of those women that choose to be single, it seems as if there are a lot of eligible women out there looking for a man.  Specifically, a Black man.

An article I read in the Wall Street Journal echos the advice I have given my sister and other single friends.  Open yourself up to men of all races.

From the article:

Nearly 70% of black women are unmarried, and the racial gap in marriage spans the socioeconomic spectrum, from the urban poor to well-off suburban professionals. Three in 10 college-educated black women haven’t married by age 40; their white peers are less than half as likely to have remained unwed.

Black women confront the worst relationship market of any group because of economic and cultural forces that are not of
their own making; and they have needlessly worsened their situation by limiting themselves to black men.

While I don’t agree 100% with everything in this article, I think the take away should be to not limit your options.  Women can be and are single for several reason.  I don’t think anyone can presume to have the answer to why this woman is married and this one is not.  There is no secret to getting and keeping a man regardless of the many books on the subject.  (Side eye to Steve Harvey and Hill Harper)  Men just aren’t that complicated.  If  you have yourself together physically, emotionally and spiritually then  you will attract the same in a mate.  He just may not be in the package you expect.

But that’s just my opinion.  What say you?

What I’m reading:  “Hunting in Harlem” – Mat Johnson

What I’m listening to: “Victory” – Yolanda Adams

To Begin Again……..Again

Last year I finally finished my novel, “Moment of Truth”.  It has taken me over a year to complete but to see the words “The End” typed on the page made it worth it.  The story was told and I could begin to work on a new story.  Unleash a new cast of characters that live in my head.   (I am having fun doing the “Story Soundtrack” series.)

But my editing has been slow to non-existent.  What is going on?  Why can’t I harness the same level of excitement for this part of the project?  I’ve been questioning the characters motivation, questioning the point of view, questioning if I had the nerves or the guts to see this through to the end.  My problem is that I see this big project, this major dream that I have and I want to do everything so I end up doing nothing.  As the saying goes, what’s the best way to eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.

I am going to see this through to the end.  I am going to publish my book one way or the other.  It only starts with putting words on the damn page.

What I’m listening to:  “Otis”  Kayne West & Jay-Z

What I’m reading: “Hunting in Harlem” – Mat Johnson

Peace.

NBA Lockout – My Thoughts

Good bye to this?

I love basketball.  I like to play it and I enjoy watching it.  The  hubby and I try to catch at least one or two NBA games a season.  (Those ticket prices are not for the faint of heart or checking account.)  And I think the majority of people will agree that the past NBA season was the most compelling in years.  You had the hate for the Miami  Heat, rising young stars, a likeable MVP in Derrick Rose and the Dallas Mavericks winning the NBA finals.  What’s not to like?

Then we get to the summer and the expiration of the CBA, the lock out and talk of players going overseas.  When Billy Hunter, President of the Player’s Association said he wouldn’t bet on their being an NBA season I was disappointed.

Anytime you have millionaires and billionaires arguing about how to split up revenues you won’t get any sympathy from your every day working stiff.  What are they talking about here?  I think there are some things in this situation that we can all agree on:

  • Did some NBA owners give out bad contracts?  Yes.  I’m looking at you Washington (Gilbert Arenas/Antawn Jamison), Orlando (Rashard Lewis), Detroit (Richard Hamilton), Atlanta (Joe Johnson), Los Angeles Clippers (Baron Davis), etc.
  • Did some players fail to live up to expectations?  Yes.  Eddy Curry, Turkoglu, Ben Gordon, Michael Redd, Stojakovic and Vince Carter are just a few names that come to mind.

So, how can they fix this mess?  Let’s start with a more equitable split of revenues (the players currently get 57%), a hard cap to keep the owners from being stupid and reduce the number of years on guaranteed contracts.  I mean, if players are so eager to go play overseas for little money (by NBA standards) and no guarantees, why won’t they make some concessions?

Bottom line, I just want to see the games.  I want the NBA season to start on time.  I want to see if Dallas can repeat, if my Lakers have one more title run in them, and if the Heat is still the team to hate.  I want the NBA to continue.  Is that too much to ask?

What I’m Listening to Now: “Here and Now” – Luther Vandross
What I’m Reading Now:  “Cross Fire” – James Patterson